perksofbeingmel

Whew!

It’s been a long time since I’ve written in my journal, in a blog (published one, anyway) or at all! I feel like the main reason I write, is because I don’t want to forget. So in these past 6 months where so much has happened, I wish I was writing through the whole thing, but I’ve been lazy. I haven’t been reflecting, rather, I’ve been living, I guess.

I don’t remember the last day I documented in my journal, but I feel like it was right after the move, or maybe right before. September 2017 was when I finally came back to Michigan. It was the last time I would say goodbye to Kyler, and took a long trip without him. Tom, Grandpa, and Mom came to the Tennessee house to help us pack up and roll out. It was a good time. The boys had fun together, and mom and I had a good time. It was really helpful to have them all there to help us. Especially when it came to cleaning out the house. Mom is an expert at cleaning. The boys we’re experts at moving big shit. I was an expert at none of it.

It was really easy to move all the big things (I say that because I didn’t move any of the big things haha.) The hardest part was all the tiny things at the very end. Like leftover paper towels, random snacks found in the back of the cabinet, and small bathroom toiletries, ETC. After I thought I had packed everything in all of our totes, all of those small things needed places to go! So those weird miscellaneous things ended up in totes all their own. And it will be interested to unpack those things.

So we got everything loaded that night, and then we all went out to eat at Cracker Barrel. It was such a fun time. Grandpa and Kyler were telling military stories together, we were all laughing and we were all just excited to be in each other’s company. At least I was. After dinner we went to White Castle, to of course get a giant crave case of burgers to take back home for mom and Gramma. That took a while! So we all waited outside in the Tennessee night heat, and continued laughing and having fun.

The sleeping arrangements were funny. We offered the bed to whomever wanted it. But they all refused, of course. So Kyler and I slept on our bed, in our empty bedroom, Mom and Tom slept in one bedroom on the air mattress and Grandpa slept on the floor/in Kyler’s chair! And the dogs visited each person throughout the whole night.

We woke up early, and I knew that was it. I enjoyed my last shower in the weird pink tiled bathroom that I hated, but had come to love. I dried my hair in my fully wood paneled “get ready” room for the last time. I made my last visits to each room of the house. Our first house. I got all kinds of sad as I left each room. I kept thinking about all the memories in each room, and how much I would miss that house. We gathered all the last minute items that made it seem like the house was still full, and finally finished loading up. Mom, me and the dogs were in my car, and Tom and Grandpa in Tom’s truck with the trailer. And Kyler was staying. Usually he is the one leaving. We said goodbye out back. He told us to be safe and I teared up in his chest. Everyone hugged, then we all got in the vehicles. We were all parked in the front yard. And like I always do, I look back and watch Kyler until he’s just a blur. I watched him and our first house disappear as we made our way down Dalewood Dr. We drove past the Park lane house, then made a right on Fort Campbell Blvd. It was the last time I would pass so many places I went while we were there. And the last time I would be in my birthplace. Ugh. How the hell can one person be so fucking sentimental.

The road trip was oddly easy this time around. I always dread the drive. It’s so long! But because we were following Tom the entire 7+ hours, it seemed so easy and flew by. We stopped more than Kyler and I usually stop on our trips, mostly to fill up Tom’s truck and let the dogs out. There wasn’t a lot of traffic and we mostly just coasted the whole drive. The last drive.

When we got onto the backroads near Toms, I started feeling weird. Happy, but weird. Like, “holy crap I’m back in Michigan forever.”

The dogs were antsy, they already knew where we were and were ready to get out and greet Oscar. And I was antsy to just be done driving.

When I pulled up there were a few cars there, Chets being one of them. And I asked Mom if Chet was there. She didn’t respond. Then I notice a red car pulling in. And I was still aloof. Come to find out it was Dad and Lori, Chet was inside, Grandma was inside, a few other people too, and there was a party! There was a sign hanging outside that said, “Welcome Home Maude!” And as soon as I saw it and opened the car door, Chet came running out to hug me. I was instantly in tears. I finally realized what was going on and was so shocked. I usually know just about everything that’s going on, but I had no idea about this. Tacos were made, there was snacks and chips and drinks! It was so fun. I dove right into the food and into visiting with everyone. It was such a great way to be welcomed home!

Fast forward to November. Originally Kyler decided he wouldn’t be making any trips home until it was the final trip home in December. That didn’t happen. If I remember correctly he came home a time or two in October, and said that was it until December. Well in true Kyler form he decide last minute that he would come home for Thanksgiving. And that’s what he did. It was such a tease seeing him on those trips. I had mentally prepared myself in September when I left TN that I wouldn’t see him again until Christmas. But he kept me on my toes (as he always does) and kept showing up! It was great to see him and spend time with him. But I was like good grief, this is making the time go slower! The way I prepare myself for being away from him is to go into deployment mode, a mode I’m all to familiar with. I tell myself how long he will be gone, when I can guess he’ll come back, and that I can’t do anything about it. Well my mental preparation was totally shot to shit this time around. Ultimately it was fine, and December rolled around and he was home for good, just in time for Christmas.

Our Christmas was nice, we we’re able to see everyone we wanted to see on both sides of the family.

Since I arrived home in September, I kept getting the feeling that I would be going back to Tennessee soon. It was so weird. It wasn’t until the end of January when it finally sank in that I wasn’t leaving. I can’t really explain the way it felt, other than it felt weird, and I was oddly home sick from my temporary home in Tennessee.

I still miss Tennessee. I complained about it so much there, mostly the heat and traffic, but I grew to love it. It took me a while to love it, I didn’t instantly love it the way I instantly loved Washington. (<3) It took more time.

But I learned that when you’re in a place where you know you’ll be for a while, you kind of have to learn to love it. And I’m so glad I learned that before I came back to Michigan. I used to hate Michigan. It resembled so many bad things for me that I kept holding onto. Like my dreadful school experience, my years spent in a sport I didn’t want to do, unfortunate family events, etc. I took all the negative things that had happened in my life and blamed it on the place I lived? Call me young and stupid.

But since being back I’ve stepped back to take a different view at the state all my cherished family members are. And truly that’s all that matters. That’s the only reason we are back in Michigan, and that’s the reason we’re staying, and that’s the reason I’ve learned to love it. I’ve found myself surprisingly content that we probably won’t live anywhere else ever again. A little sad, but for the most part, content.

I’ve found myself driving to my Dads house, crying because I’m so dang happy that I can just drive over there to see him and Lori whenever I want to. I’ve also found myself crying in happiness about being able to be home for Holidays from now on. A luxury I surely took for granted before. While I loved being away in a state much different from home, living my own life, I’m truly so happy to be back surrounded by everyone I love.

So, Kyler got really lucky and got a job lined up and started it before he was even technically out of the Army. (Thank you, God!)

What a blessing that was! He had a rocky start, and is still getting used to what I call, “the real world” and what he calls, “civilian life.” But I think we are finally on a path to being “okay.” I’ve said it before, but we are starting our “normal life,” and I think we’re finally getting into the rhythm of it. We have started house hunting, and are currently still searching after seeing only a few homes so far. I think we know where we want to live, it’s just a matter of finding the right place in that area. We are kind of picky, we are asking for a lot when it comes to what we want in a home, but if you ask me, rightfully so. We want to buy a place we could potentially live in forever (though our family members are telling us, “yeah right”) and it is seeming that they are correct, and that we might try to find a small starter home and move in 5+ years.

Who knows. For now, we are eager, but we’re not rushing it.

It’s been a huge blessing to have a place to stay, (rent free, I might add, hence the “not rushing it”) and we are so thankful. While it is less than comfortable, it’s better than nothing!

I’m going to try and continue my somewhat new outlook on our new life – hoping to be positive and get things figured out on this new adventure!

Thanks for reading!

Here are a few photos from the past months.