perksofbeingmel

suddenly, yet not so, I’m back to 2013 where all I did was long for your existence.

I knew how good life would be with you, I quite literally knew it was meant for me.

though this time, in 2025, I’m left with the ache of knowing just how exquisite my life would become, because now it’s over

but it feels almost the same – immeasurable desire

I already knew how deep the love would be, I knew how grand the joy would be – the drive behind the desire, the truth in my own destiny, my entire existence has been just for you

I thought I was prepared for the emptiness, knowing it was coming, knowing I’d have a drastic change

but it’s the dainty details my mind realizes now, that I didn’t know then – how terribly sad to not have those details to attend to

I purposely kept it to myself. they don’t get it the way I do, they don’t have what I have – but we all have our own versions unique to us. but their experience is irrelevant to mine.

there won’t ever be another like you and I, the simple truth is just that – there is no other you or I

how can something so beautiful turn so devastating? or maybe it’s both at once – life is a series of enormous contradictions

once the point of life has been made, what’s next? I told myself I had to keep living, and I will, but truly, what’s the point?

I’ll be so dramatic as to say there will never be another, true purpose is once in a lifetime, it cannot be replicated

replication can be appreciated, enjoyed, loved, similar, but it will never be the original, but maybe THAT is the point, too

or at least part of the larger point to be made

every new realization tugs at my soul

no relief of less worry, I crave the worry for you.

this “freedom” is not what I want. this isn’t what being free feels like.