perksofbeingmel

I already feel myself withdrawing

I put on my comfort movie, made my comfort meal, and sat with myself knowing that I’m sad, and it probably won’t go away

I want it to stay the same, the change is what I’m sad about, yet here I am, initiating the change before it happens

Maybe it’s me trying to get ahead of it

I have more control issues than I’d like to admit

But I’m not scared to admit I’m selfish

This sad feeling is too familiar, it’s feeling alone, misunderstood, selfish, confused – wanting to be better than that, but I know I’m not

I have turned a corner in my life, and being truthful is how I have to be, no matter the consequence. Never to be hurtful, but to be honest with myself.

I no longer change my mind for others, I no longer change my plans or say yes when I don’t want to

But have you ever had something to say that feels like truth, but you think it might be an opinion too? Where does that go? I’m not sure. For now it will stay with me – because it feels like a “not my place” but also 100% my duty at the same time. That’s confusing.

None of my business? Maybe. Not in my control, yes.

Maybe this won’t be as disastrous, but it will be comfort leaving me again

But isn’t this what I wanted? Deep, real, personal?

I guess it’s okay to be sad it’s changing. I don’t want to have to fake it. You’re the only one I don’t have to fake it with.

Everyone else has left me behind.

Moved on, changed, decided I don’t get it. Decided I don’t fit.

I’m not mad at difference choices. I’m not mad at anything.

I’m scared. I know the loneliness that’s imminent & now it will consume me.

_2/10/2026