perksofbeingmel

to my mother who swore that she loved me

how does it feel to not know me at all

you can call it love all day long

but maybe love is subjective, and in your case, conditional

saying what you think I want to hear won’t work this time, you realized that quickly

I’m not sorry for the ways that I changed, but maybe I’m empathetic to the blind sided nature of my actions

in the most non adolecent way, you started it

the words as old as time – two wrongs don’t make a right

telling half of the story not only makes you wrong but it also makes you a liar

choosing to seek sympathy instead of internal reflection and change makes me sad, not for me but for you

apparently I could never understand this subjective and conditional love you claim

and maybe this time, you’re right – I can’t understand how a mother would choose harsh words over and over and over again, especially in the name of love

I can never understand how a mother who tried to protect me from bullies became the biggest bully of all

people talk so much about forgiveness, and it’s something I don’t quite understand

I don’t care who forgiveness is for and how it makes others feel

so call me selfish and try to tell me I don’t understand

scream ‘fuck you’ in my face and have no remorse about it

but for once in my life it’s not me who is lost and it’s not me who is wrong